Why Valentine’s Day still matters for Parents

(and why your kids need to see it)

I think it’s awesome to involve your kids in Valentine’s Day. We have shared ideas like a heart “attack” and cookies in a jar which are fun ways to get them involved and spend some time together as a family.

However, what is also important is that our kids see that we, as parents, love each other and make our relationship a priority.

Dr Crystal Hollenbeck (a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, a Florida State Supervisor for those seeking a license in Mental Health Counseling or Marriage and Family Therapy, and a Certified Life Coach) stated:

Dating keeps the Marriage a Priority. Dating says I love you, you are important to me. Purposely planning a weekly date forces you to think about your partner, look forward to having a fun or romantic time together, and helps the marriage stay a priority. I recommend making a decision that if we don’t have time for a date for just the two of us, then we don’t have time for friends and family. Sometimes we spend all of our free time with people we love to be with, but it robs us of the opportunity for that special time we need to connect on a regular basis. Keep enjoying time with friends and family, but try to make time for a date before you make plans with other people.

crystalhollenbeck.com

She goes on to say. . .

Dating sets an example for your children. I believe the best gift you give your children is the example of a healthy marriage (not a perfect one, a healthy one). Your kids will see you make the marriage a priority, spend time together without them, and learn how to treat a partner by your example. Too often, the children can become the priority over the marriage. Remember, one of the most important parental goals you have is to raise your children as a team to become independent of you one day so if the marriage isn’t the priority during the years you are raising children, it can be very difficult to reconnect during the empty-nester years. 

crystalhollenbeck.com

Kids learn what love looks like by watching their parents. We have a responsibility to set a good example and the bonus is that we will have a loving and emotionally intimate relationship with our spouse.

If you are not there at the moment, don’t be hard on yourself but look at ways to start that improvement this Valentine’s day.

Here are some ways you can start!

Chelsea from Moments a Day shared some great ways to start:

1. Look for the best in your spouse and never speak ill of them. 
2. Be affectionate. Give each other a quick good morning kiss to start off the day. (you may get get an “ewww, gross” response but that’s okay haha).
3. Speak kindly. Showing our kids that we can be having a hard time with someone but can still choose be respectful and kind is an important skill to model.
4. Ask how you can help. Make it a habit every Friday night to ask, “What can we do this weekend to help each other?”  Let the kids overhear you negotiating and compromising (to an appropriate degree), working together to fit in both peoples’ preferences and plans.
5. Share your emotional needs. Communicate what he can do to help you feel loved in a way that is meaningful to you. For example, “Would you please put the dinner dishes away while I give the kids a bath? I would really appreciate the help tonight since I have had a very exhausting day.  Thanks sweetie.”
6. Support each others dreams. Make a vision board for your family, and share it with your kids (if they are old enough, they can also participate). Seeing mom and dad’s goals individually and together will help your children understand how in a loving relationship you support each others’ dreams – some of which involve each other and some of which may be personal.
7. Review the day. Ask each other in front of the kids, “How did your day go?” or “How was work this week?”  If you have things to discuss in private, set a time to do so.  The kids should know that you regularly talk and consult about issues together, and that you care about what the other person is experiencing (both good and bad).  You are friends and work as a team.
8. Say “Thank you.” Give each other honest and heartfelt thanks often, in front of the kids and apart from them.  Let the kids see how much you appreciate each other, both in your heart and in your words.  
9. Spend time alone – together and apart. Set a date night (whether out of the house or in) at least once a month.  Also take turns having a night out with friends, even if it’s only once every month or two.  The kids should see that you are very special to each other but that you also have relationships outside the family. Each of you are whole people on your own, not completely dependent on each other or each others’ only friend.  
10. Do not give up. If you are tempted to walk out or emotionally detach, ask your partner for a “time out.”  Set the timer for 10 minutes, 30 minutes, or an hour (let them know which you are choosing) to “cool off” in a room apart from the other person, then come together again to continue with life.  

Chelsea ends with:

Love begets love. The more we love our spouse, the more love we will receive in return. And the sooner our children learn to live with love and through love, the stronger their hearts will be to engage positively in their own relationships.

momentsaday.com

(To read her full post, click the link above and give her a follow)

This Valentine’s day, plan a date night with your spouse or choose from the list above to start improving the love in your home. Do something fun and nurture the relationship that started your beautiful family!

Tell us in the comments below what you do for Valentine’s day!